Friday, February 29, 2008

Husband Bashing - Not For Me

Yesterday, I had to stop into the bank for some business. Our local branch knows our entire family since we are there so frequently. And, I have gotten to know many of the tellers through our many conversations at the counter.

During my visit yesterday, a customer commented on how much one of the tellers smiled. I turned to the lady and told her the teller was smiling because she was a newlywed. (Yes, I get all the personal details while I am in there! She had gotten married in September!)

After my comment, the teller helping me quickly commented, "Well, she won't be smiling much longer once she sees the true side of her husband. Will she?"

It was as if to say, her marriage is doomed to fail. Her husband can't be what she sees in him now. She's made the choice for a lifetime of misery by getting married. Well, shame on you, my bank-teller-friend!

Wanting to "nip it in the bud" I replied, "I've been married nearly 13 years and I am still in love!" (That is the TRUTH my friends!)

The lady-customer who made the original comment said, "I'm with you, girl! (She was a negro lady as defined by her speech.) My man's been dead for several years and I'll never be the same. Thirteen years and still in love - that's the way it oughtta be!"

"Yes, it is the way it should be. I'm sorry for your loss." I replied.

I wanted to turn to my unhappy, nonsmiling teller-friend and say, "See there, young lady!" But, I didn't...although I did think it! I sweetly smiled at my teller, took my receipt out of her hands, turned on my heel, and headed out the door.

Marriage is what you make it to be. It does require work and effort. Yet, it is a beautiful relational masterpiece when both people strive to make it that way. Reid and I have had our hard times. Difficult, trying, faith-building times. However, during those times we were always committed to each other.

I am thankful for my husband. I choose to look for the good in him - and it is always easy to find! I must choose to look for the "good" and not the "bad."

Many years ago, I made a conscious decision to never speak poorly of my husband in a group of people. I had sat in on many conversations with groups of women who found it easy to complain about their husbands' faults - every area, every situation, every personality trait, everything... I wanted no part of it. It made my stomach turn to hear how they talked about their husbands.

I know sometimes we need to turn to friends in confidence for wise counsel for healthy marriages. I believe that is needed, and sharing about difficulties in marriage need to have a safe place. (I had a conversation with a friend about this very thing yesterday when I returned home from the bank!)

Turning to a friend is very different than sharing with a group of people you may barely know. You are not broadcasting your husband's failures, your husband's faults, and your own unhappiness. You are seeking answers and help. You are not jumping on a bandwagon to make your husband out to be worse than someone else's. "Well, my life is harder than yours because my husband..."

Ladies, let's edify our husbands. They deserve it! They need it! It is a way to show respect to them even when they know nothing of it.

God sees. It is Him, I am made to honor and glorify with my life! Choosing to honor my husband is an opportunity to glorify God! I am thankful for the husband God has given me. Very thankful! I want to share that with others - God's goodness in my life!

So, whether I am at the bank, with a group of friends, or just with our boys, I will choose to build Reid up - not tear him down.

Yes, after nearly thirteen years of marriage, I am still in love...and still smiling! :)

"Therefore, we have as our ambition, whether at home or absent, to be pleasing to Him." 2 Cor. 5:9

1 comment:

Starryaura said...

You go, girl! Kudos for being a great role model for us :)