Friday, July 13, 2007

To Be Set Apart

Over the past week, I have begun a spiral of emotion regarding homeschooling our three oldest boys. The best word to describe the emotion is "overwhelmed."

I have been examining curriculum, thinking of planning our days / weeks / year, looking into different Co-ops, offering to teach classes within the Co-Ops (Why?), etc... Meanwhile I have been involved in planning Women's Ministry Events, attending meetings with regard to planning, and wondering the areas in which I should serve in the church for next year. Currently, there are four areas I am slotted to serve for the upcoming year.

And, this is simply calendaring my own commitments, not my husband's or my children's activities.

Yesterday, I recognized that in all of the hustle and bustle of ME planning MY LIFE...what is being left behind is my family. MY FAMILY. That is supposed to be my PRIMARY ministry according to Scripture.

I spent some time in prayer this morning - literally, on my face - beseeching God for some answers. Where does He want me to serve? Am I yielding to His Desires or am I trying to dictate what I want to do? Is homeschooling our boys His Desire or mine? Where is my fleshly pride entering the picture? Can I truly serve Him with wholeness of heart if my life is so scheduled I do not have room for spontaneous service? Are my life choices a reflection of my deepest longing?

After a time of prayer through tears, do you know what God said to me?











Nothing.











I didn't hear from Him. Actually, in the state of my overwhelmed mind, I believe I couldn't hear from Him. How sad. It breaks my heart.

As I finished up my Quiet Time this morning, I was looking through some folders for some music to give to someone from last year's Women's Retreat. I found a poem I had written last November while on the retreat. In it, I believe I found God's answers to my questions. For He already spoke to me with regard to my questions, and my life currently is not a reflection my heart's deepest desire.

Here was my prayer last November. God's answers for my life are woven in to the words. Read on...

Life is such a busy ride...
How I long to just abide.

Lord, engage my mind.
Lord, engage my heart.
My lifelong prayer
Is to be set apart.

Lord, please guide me
In the ways best to use my time,
So that as it slips away
As one with You, my heart will chime.

Please resonate Your Will in my life
Every hour of every day,
Praising You for slivers of Your Glory,
Found in so many amazing ways.

Give me Your filter for commitments
And life's activities,
Making sure my time with You
Comes before all of these.

And, when I am debating over "good things"
Help me to always "choose the best"
Above all, precious Lord,
Making sure I make the time with You to rest.

Lord, engage my mind.
Lord, engage my heart.
My lifelong prayer
Is to be set apart.

When daily life and daily chores
Seem so redundant,
May I choose to live
The Life Abundant.

Lord, I ask not
That easy would be the road.
But, I do ask You to keep my heart open
To all You have to show.

Refine me Lord,
Give and take in ways You see best,
In all of life's circumstances
I choose in You to rest.

Lord, engage my mind.
Lord, engage my heart.
My lifelong prayer
Is to be set apart.

Cut anything away-
Peel the layers off-
Anything that hinders me-
Lord, in the name of Jesus, please just take it off.

I submit myself to You,
For You to use Your lance-
So that I may come before your throne,
With all my heart - just dance!

The places where you take me
May seem to difficult and so dry,
I praise you though, O My Lord,
For I know you hear my every cry.

The waves of your mercy
Overwhelm me 'til I am overcome.
Lord, keep me safely in Your arms
Until Your work in me is done.

I pray You will hold me
In the shadow of Your wings.
Knowing You are giving me Your strength
To face this very thing!

This- that has been brought before me
And laid into my lap,
Thank you for the unfolding of Your Word
That will be my Guiding Map.

I know you are always with me
Because of you, I'll never be lost.
As I grow closer to your, Sweet Father,
I can't believe Your cost.

As David prayed to You
One thing I will seek and I will ask
To abide with You all my days
And, in everyday life, in your beauty to bask.

Lord, engage my mind.
Lord, engage my heart.
My lifelong prayer
Is to be set apart.

Father, without You, I know -
I am nothing, I am just as dust.
I want to know You more
For every piece of me to trust.

My heart's desire
For people to see,
Is so much more of You-
So much less of me.

I pray the weight of this world
To simply fade away -
For my full, abundant, joyous life
To be found in You today.

That I would live that way again tomorrow-
And not be found sliding back.
Continuing to be fully alive,
Because I have You, there is nothing I lack.

Lord, my desire
Is to deepen my roots
I long to live a life
That continually bears Your fruit.

So, Lord, please engage my mind.
Lord, please engage my heart.
My lifelong prayer
Is to be set apart.

Dear friends, please pray for me that this prayer would be evident in my life.

1 comment:

Amy said...

Thanks for sharing your feelings, thoughts, and prayers. It is hard to know what is going on in your life when we are so far apart. Love You! Amy