Wednesday, February 8, 2012

The Delicate Dance

Our life feels like a dream most days.  We are constantly amazed by God, then wondering what in the world we are doing, then grieving leaving what we know, then planning what to pack???  It all feels so...uncomfortable!

My friend, Jennifer, who is also planning to serve on the mission field, states it this way:
"Please continue to pray for our family as we navigate this delicate dance of living here but preparing in so many ways to be going as well."

And it is...a dance.  A delicate dance.

I've never been a good dancer.  

There are days that I feel I am not "doing" this part of it well.  I love to be with my family and see the kids play with their cousins, but my mind is filled with tension knowing the goodbye will come all too soon.  I long to be with my friends here, but every time I'm with them I think of leaving them and it's hard.  Usually, I battle tears on the drive home.  I want to know all of the answers to the questions, but Jesus has not unveiled very much yet.  I yearn to be in Africa...I long to stay here.   I want to live the life Jesus calls me to...I say I don't want to be "comfortable," but life here is..."comfortable."  This isn't.  It's scary.

My mind bombards me with questions, "Are Reid and I walking in unity?  Am I giving the boys what they need?  Does Godwin seem happy?  What do I need to pack for the bedroom?  Bathroom?  Kitchen?  For Hygiene?  First Aid?  Entertainment?  For school -  for four grades and kindergarten?  When am I going to make time to see your family and friends?  When will I see my two grandmothers?  What will I make for dinner tonight?  When can I grade the boys' school work?  I only have a few more months here...  Am I making the memories I should be making?  Am I cherishing every moment?   Am I trusting God?  Do I see His goodness?  Am I LIVING COMPLETELY FOR JESUS NOW?"

And that's when the music stops.


This is the question I'm wrestling with because everything in my life should be ALL ABOUT HIM.  Even in this chaos, I can find my peace in him.  He is sovereign.  He is all sufficient.  He is good.  He knows the answers to these questions.  I don't.  

I do know that I want ALL OF ME to reflect ALL OF HIM.  

Lord, will you lead me in this delicate dance?  Will your arms guide me across the dance floor?  I want to follow your steps, and move with you to the tempo of your leading.  Please guide me Lord.  I need your help.  

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.
2 Corinthians 12:9

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