Now, we are back in Ghana and facing another transition for our family. Parts of coming back are wonderful, and parts are stark shoves back into the reality of life here.
Yesterday we drove to church and passed a woman wrapped in a rice sack for clothing...
Young ones who know us chased down our car at the toll booth. I think they were there selling water to support their family...
Hugging some of the kids at the orphanage brought tears because I know parents on the other side of the ocean longing to be the one hugging their child. Oh, I hold them tight. For now, to a small degree, our family stands in their place to express love...
We've been without power and could not run the generator. We've enjoyed candles and flashlights in the evening (not much, but enough to be reminded of how difficult it is to lose power - towels are draped in front of the refrigerator to absorb the defrosting water)...
In many ways, I feel like we are back to "HARD."
As much as I struggled going from Ghana to America 6 weeks ago, now I find myself struggling again. Neither is an easy transition.
Our boys vocalize it too. They miss relationships from home. I heard their hurting hearts whisper people they miss from home. Having our nephew, Zach, with us for the next 6 weeks has made coming back easier. His presence has been life-giving for all of us. We are thankful he is here.
I am not complaining. Just sharing the struggle.
We are grieving again. Losses. Longings. Things left behind.
A friend is preparing to move onto the mission field and her words are more eloquent than my own right now. Maybe more honest too...
We've had people say "You chose to do this, so why are you complaining?" (I wasn't complaining, just answering their question "how are things going?" and, of course, they didn't want to really hear how things were going, they were just being polite--why don't I ever get that!?!!?)... I have always felt, that the only choice we had was to obey or disobey and that isn't really a choice for us--we will obey God's call, no matter what!!! and that means even with all the loss. And the losses are showing me where I have treasured things, both good and bad, that have kept me from treasuring Jesus above all. I understand how I've put my security in my abilities all my life and how I've protected myself from vulnerability, but all that is being stripped away. And the good things too, like relationships that are so dear to me. And so far, none of it has been replaced with a more intimate relationship with Jesus, which is what I hoped for; there is just an emotional void, an emptiness that I hope someday will be filled with more of Him.
I'm sorry to go rambling on, but there isn't anyone here who might even slightly understand any of this. I'm not sorry for the losses, but the dying is painful and knowing it will be like this for the rest of our lives is hardly "adventurous." It is something we embrace and trust His grace to be sufficient for "today."
HE IS WORTHY OF ALL and I'm praying for you today that you will feel His presence and sense His loving arms around you and your family and that, even when you can't make sense of things, you will find rest for your soul.
Another missionary wrote these words on her blog, and I found myself resonating with her thoughts as well. I did find it funny that one of the comments said, "I count my blessing everyday that you are in Bogota rather than Uganda." Too funny. Sigh... Yes, we are on the other side of the world. And it is far away.
These are the times, I seek the comfort of Christ. I curled up this morning praying asking Jesus to sustain us, lead us, encourage us. He is. He will. My feet need to remain grounded on the solid rock, and not grappling for footing on the sand.
The times when I feel like God is far from me, I must remind myself of the truth that He is holding us. He is with us. He is in the "HARD."
I need to be reminded of this. He is teaching me more about contentment in Him alone. He is worth everything. HE IS WORTHY OF ALL.
Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need.